Cat nun is a cat thats a nun and also because she's a nun she can fly because all nuns can fly, and she uses this to fight crime. One day she discovered her powers when she fell into a ditch and got her robes covered in shit. She realised that she could fight crime, but only whilst covered in shit. So, whenever crime happens, she's like 'OMG! Quick! Someone shit on me!' Her downfall was when she got addicted to crack and took up prostitution, whilst covered in shit. Also she shits all over the place. Also she's a man.



Also, more shoes:

Beegs seemed baffled as to the point of this exercise, and truth be told there isn't one, AS Art is a bit like the Joker, you just 'do things'. BEHOLD:









And two drawings I'm somewhat proud of:

As it turns out, I have an article due in next Wednesday, which is nice to know. Would have liked to have known sooner but hey! It's on the subject of loathing Christmas, and I'm undoubtedly gonna add more to it, but here's a preview.

Please note: When you see me on MSN and I say 'Busy', that means DON'T BLOODY TALK TO ME UNLESS IT'S IMPORTANT!!!

On The Twelfth Day Of Cringemas.


It's a time of magic, bonding and love for all the peoples of the western world in some guise or another, and for our cozy little island it's what occupies retailers minds for 4 months of the year. Yet I can't help but get this deep sense of foreboding about the festive season. What could possibly set such a negative reaction within me? Well, do read on.

Christmas is a time of joy, love and mass alcoholism. The three great pillars of British life today, so it would seem. Everyone has their own experiences of Christmas, and from how it gives most people I've spoken to a giddy glow in their cheeks, I'm assuming their experiences have been positive. And for the whole, so have mine. So why would I choose to take a negative stance? I suppose, personally, it's an accumulation of a multitude of negative aspects with the holiday that just make me shudder. To kick off with, the overall clichéd tackiness that the season can't help but come bundled with. We've all been there. Come the start of December every family in the country are like wound coils that shudder with anticipation, and a week later they release the kinetic energy of the holiday and begin to festoon every empty space with the glittering boas known as tinsel, that shed their shimmering skin all over the floor. Followed by dragging a plastic pine that has accumulated the dust and cobwebs of 10 months neglect in the back of a dark, dry cupboard. Finally, an array of colourful garlands festune the ceiling, and if you really want to drain the national grid, up go the garden lights, and your home is temporarily transformed into the Blackpool illuminations. Ty Pennington would be proud.

I would imagine most families would wake up the next morning to find everything still in order and carry on with their lives, however there will be a few families like me who will have suffered some form of indignity as a result of trying to brighten up the otherwise gray and withered season of winter. For those of you reading now in blissful ignorance to what I mean, allow me to fill you in. You would awake to find those garish garlands you had suspended from the ceiling the night before had during the course of the night given up on life and thrown themselves to the floor, as well as the timely intervention of a night prowler, no less your cat who will have tried to eat the tree, only to send all 6ft 3 of it toppling into your mothers prized cabinet, ripping the ornate doors off their hinges on contact with the synthetic leviathan. And just as you think things have to get better. They suddenly get worse. For instance, should you dare to step out of your house, you will undoubtedly find that inflatable Father Christmas you bolted to the roof the other day has come afoul of a stray wind and unanchored itself, as you look on in pity to see it's deflated remains strewn in a sorry heap on the road, with tire marks running across it's once bulbous belly.

Of course, I'm just talking about what is in all fairness just a run of bad luck, so lets look more to what is inevitable in the season. Lets cast our minds to September, the month where Summers end is imminent and millions pack their bags for what is sure to be another eventful academic year. The shops also kick in around this time, advertising prize present ideas, Christmas decorations, and sunny retreats to oversubscribed resorts, whilst the locals get exploited for every bit of land they have. At this point I feel compelled to remind anyone to whom this has slipped their mind, but typically, Christmas is in December. Now I was not the best at Maths, but even I can just about manage to work out there is a four month gap. Well, not so much a gap as a hernia really. I'll be honest with you, I can't truly work out why this has such a negative impact on me, but I hate how everything suddenly has to shift attention to something thats four months away and then only lasts three days. Any avid Catholic will tell you is considerably longer, but we all shamelessly did away with that years ago, and settled for pumping hard earned money into presents for family members you wouldn't even know existed if it weren't for Christmas. And yes, I hear you say 'it brings families closer'. But lets be honest with one another, it really doesn't, does it? You sit around these relatives on the day with a smile so plastered it'd be better applied fixing cracks in the bathroom ceiling, the entire act of merriment and good will is as fake as Rooney's marriage. And yes, I'm sure there are those of you who's families you love dearly, but theres always that one black horse who, if the choice was given to you, you wouldn't talk to. Christmas therefore is a time where free will is rescinded and individuality is a taboo word. Welcome to the Borg collective.

-John Lewis.

Quite lol.

When was the last time you really prayed about something?
Was your prayer answered?

When I was 6. I doubt it, I prayed for my Nana to come back to life...





Describe a true friend. How many friends do you have that fit that description?

Lahdan, I can rely on her for just about anything, I really trust her and (I hope) the feeling's mutual.Yeah she's the only one. I have known her for 12 years bear in mind.





Select a word that you feel describes people of your age. Explain your choice.

Headlines. We're always shooting people, apparently.





What do you believe happens after death?
Well your relatives throw a funeral, cry a bit, go to a pub for a cup of tea and go home I suppose.






What is the most difficult thing you have ever done?
Being born. That was a push.

What do you remember as the greatest day of your life?
I can't remember, I was heavily enebriated at the time.




Name something that usually angers you and say why. How do you react when angry?
Teenagers belting down a road at 105mph. I approprietly shout after them "Yeah, that ain't stolen!"




How would you deal with a good friend you knew was getting deeply involved in hard drugs?
Call the men in multicoloured coats and have a party.




If you should parent a child before marriage, how much would you be willing to give up for the child?
I would be very willing to give up everything I have. I never intend to get married or father a child. Also I'm Gay.




Tell us about a turning point in your life.
Once, when my Dad was driving me to the dentists, he turned left.




How would you deal with a friend who is getting seriously drunk several times a week?
Probably join in, scale a house and shout "I'm the chocolate cake fairy!"





What do you think people like about you the most?
My sense of humour. I don't think you can notice it much.







What about you do you think annoys people?

My Sarcasm. And Bluntness. And occasionally when I hug people. I can't win.


How do you react when you see someone being bullied?
This is a nice college for nice people. What a silly question!

When was the last time you cried and why?
... I had something in my eye... last Tuesday.





What are your personal convictions about using marijuana and other drugs?
Are my convictions going to change people smoking it?






What is your greatest fear?
Ethical Decisions




Share something that you like about your family and something that annoys you about them
They pay me. They can be nosy.





If you had to find a new, non-religious name for God what word would you use?
Dave.






Name someone of your age you admire and say why.


A very handsome lad called John

Name a celebrity of famous person from the past you admire and say why.
Heath Ledger. He made a good cowboy.




Select a word or phrase that best describes your life at this time.
Alive






Who has had the most influence on you so far? Try to say how this person affected you.
Neil Butchanan, I wouldn't be an artist without him



In school were there some people you never spoke to? Explain why not.
It was a big school!




What would you say was the greatest motivator in your life at present?
Sugar.






What would you do if you found a wallet containing £500.00?
Get Drunk.





What was your best year in school? Why/

9. It was fun.




What was your worst year in school? Why?
11. It wasn't so fun.







On what basis do you select your friends?

How Clinical... I talk to them, keep talking to them and before you know it...



Tell about an event that happened in your family or personal experience that you would call a miracle.
My Mum sowed her head to the floor. That was rather a feat.





What is your attitude towards violence?


I'm Male. I have testosterone. Bring it on.




If you were the Pope, what changes would you make in the church?


I would introduce compulsory bean bags to replace the pews.


What one thing could you do to make your home a happier place?

Paint it yellow.




Do you believe in love at first sight? What do you mean by love?

No! And liking someone quite a bit.


Do you believe that people are really good at heart? Are you?
Some of them. I have multiple personalities.

I'm back! D'ya miss me? Na, didn't think so Newquay was cool, weather was a bit awful, though I hear whilst I've been away Stockport has had very nice weather. Well thats all over with now . Place was still awesome. Eden project was cool, though I missed the Titan Arum (and apparently I'd walked right past it ). There was also a cool exhibit on Hydroponics and The Seed by Peter Randal-Page. I also took some sweet photos (I think you can tell I like lilies from them ).

Also, the guys are FIIIIITTT! I mean major FIT! I certainly wanna visit again . Could be a good place for next years Holiday, Beegs, Lala and Shaun, and just to convince you:

Beegs:
*Tennis courts
*Those boobs on legs you like
*Good food

Lala:
*There's a train thing which goes on the road and takes you all around the place, kinda like the one at Pickie, but it's an actual mode of transport.
*Good drive down there
*Did I mention the guys?

Shaun:
*Lots of nightlife
*Lots of pubs
*Lala will probably come

I rest my case

Yeah! Not satisfied with Traveling to Ireland, myself and Lahdan (amongst others) attended a training weekend yesterday and today to top up our first aid skills. The course consisted of:

Resuscitation
Choking
Comms and casualty care
Bleeding
Chest pain
Unconscious casualty
Primary (top to toe) survey
Bites and Stings
Burns
Sprains and Strains
Fainting
Asthma
Bone, muscle and joint
Head injuries
Meningitis
Poisons
Shock
Stroke
Seizures.

And because we were there it was fun . Today was a bit more active though, carpet burns seemed to make everyone laugh after I suggested it. Sadly friction burns was already up . Oh and for a few scenarios we had to pretend we were injured and let the other three figure out a way to treat us. Our team was Moi, Lala, Josh and Andy (after the ravenous boy was fed 3 times). Josh got something like he fell off a ladder or something and had a leg injury and the onset of shock. Andy was also our guinea pig for that one. Then mine, somewhat appropriately was I had been out on the town and got suitably hammered, then somehow mistaken a wineglass for a chair and had glass embedded in my arse. Lahdan had to hold a bandageon it whilst Josh pretended to phone for help and reassure me
Josh: "Don't worry, you'll just wake up with a sore bum tomorrow"
Me: "Oh no worries, I'm used to it".
Andy meanwhile pretended he was elsewhere.

and later we were given estimates for percentages of the body, the lower torso being roughly 9%. This was needed for burn assessment. Josh had an interesting thought.

Josh: "What if they're pregnant?"
Leader who's name escapes me: "Well... you usually have a baby."

So thats that. We didn't get assessed as that's external but we're nearly officially first aiders...

IT LIVES! Twas fun.

Righto, it's been a couple of weeks since I last showed anyone how my 'masterpiece' is coming along, so this'll be the final glimpse of it before it's unveiled



There's also an ulterior motive for me doing this, over the past few weeks I've been asking peoples dreams and nightmares, I need a couple more to finish this of (and cover those massive blank spaces), so anyone wanna donate a dream/nightmare? Phobias count too

Oh and Beegs, I tried several different things for incorporating a snake, and nothing was working, so I've left it out, sorry...

*Sigh* I've not got anything to do. Well I do, but it can only take up so much time . Seems everyone's got something else on lately so I'm lonely. Actually I lie, I know Lala's booked because we all love her . Everyone else has either got jobs or are playing Tennis, or protecting thier PS3's from any dust that may land on them.

Guess I'll try gardening . Again.

Father has made a point of doing something with this bit of otherwise descolant bit of soil we have out front, we tried planting tulips, which died quickly. Now he decided to transfer some flowers we already had from another part of the garden, it was very anarchaic. Most of them ended up with broken stems and one of them ended up on the floor:








Yes... the wheelbarrow tipped over...



Lack of skills seems to run in the family...