Many a time have I been told that releasing my personal details on the internet is a bad idea. "What tosh!" I reply. "I just want to make new friends." Generally, people tend to give up, silenced by my insanely intelligent reasoning that I'm just a lonely and bored teenager.

I'm sure many of us can bear relation to that story. And I'm sure you've given out information you shouldn't and thought it would be fine. Heck, I certainly have. But today I saw something that changed me forever. No more will I communicate with strangers nor tell of my address and name, lest I be attacked by octopuses and scary sharks!

Confused? Well basically this is about something I saw in the Metro today. There was a tiny article about how children as young as 5 had full Bebo and Facebook accounts. Breezing over this travesty of parenting, they pointed to the "Hector's World" website where children learn of the dangers of publishing their personal details to the world!

Episode 1

As well as being an informative guide to internet safety, children can also witness how Microsoft is an official partner of the project and how it's important for public organisations to fill their ethnicity quota with "Ranjeet" (a Crab) and "Ming" (a cuttlefish or something - sealife was never my forte).

So if you're not staying on the internet, take heed of this wonderfully PC and over the top political advice. And ask yourself "What sort of 5 year old would take this in properly?"

And after, I got accosted by the counter terrorist unit of the BTP. No shit, I left stevie and josh at the ticket barrier in King's Cross this morning and strode forward, ready to catch my train home. What followed is, I swear to God, true to the letter.

I walked through the ticket barrier, and a man in a high visibility jacket over a bulletproof vest asked me to come over. The jacket says "Counter Terrorism Active Super Mecha Death Man" or something. It had the words counter terrorism on it, and that's all I noticed. Now having complied with the request to join this man in the corner, he whips out his palm pilot computer thing along with the special screen pen, and tells me he's going to ask me a few questions.

shit.

First of all we go through the normal stuff, like name, age, home address, nationality, birthplace, phone number, favourite food etc. etc. He then asks where I'm going.
"Home."
"And where is that?"
"Baldock. It's on the line to cambridge."
"And why are you in London?"
"Visiting friends. I've been here the past three days."
*man furiously taps his screen with the pen in different places as if he's angry with it.*
"And do the police have records of you?"
"err..."

I really wasn't sure how honest to be. While it was technically true the armed police had once accosted me on suspicion of having a pump action shotgun, I wasn't arrested. On the other hand, they DID take my details down. The Police man sensed my indecision.

"Have you ever been arrested?"
"No! They only confiscated the gun and gave me a warning."
"... What gun?"

FUCK. FUCK FUCK.

A hasty explanation of why the armed police had my details later, the questioning resumed.

"And could you just open the bag please?"
*open bag. Inside the main pockets are a chess set, and school work*
"This is everything."
"Why do you have a chess set?"
"A friend was teaching me how to play."
"could you open up the chess set please?"
*I go to open up chess set. Pieces spill everywhere. Questioning resumes after a minute of picking them up*

"What's this?"
"It's a chemistry textbook."
*policeman continues to things out and check them.*
"Why do you have printouts on nuclear fission and a chemistry textbook?"
"It's for my work."
"WHAT WORK?"

Again, there was another awkward silence and me hurriedly explaining my chemistry coursework for school was on nuclear fission and fusion.

"Is there anything in your bag your shouldn't have?"
*thinks about USB stick, lighter, magnets, yu-gi-oh cards and holepunch in various pockets.*
"...nope."
"Then stay here while I take a description of you."

The funniest part came when at the end of questioning, the man spend ten minutes getting increasingly frustrated with his tiny computer for no apparent reason, until I noticed that something was issuing forth from beneath his jacket. As he went to tear out the piece of paper that had spontaneously appeared, I realised what it was.

HE HAD A FUCKING PRINTER STRAPPED TO HIS WAIST.

don't believe me about any of this?

Amazing what you find on t'internet nowadays This for example is what if other comapnies started doing condoms/ home brand versions and kept the tagline?

Righto chaps, well I've been to see the dentist, and I'll level with you, it is the first time I've actually been to a dentist's, we only got in this time because they were taking in NHS, but anyway you don't need to know that.

Now I won't mince words, the assessment was... somewhat bleak.

Basically, I need two teeth removed, and one moving down to 'make room in my mouth'

Oh... and a trip to the Orthadontists...


I can just bet the minute I get a brace in, loads of blokes will suddenly want to snog me <_<

My Mobile Phone history to date has been quite dismal having owned, In order of ownership:

* 3510i
* 3210
* W375
* 3510i

Now I give you this:
I know, I know it's hardly the most technically advanced thing in the world, with only:

* 2 Megapixel Camera
* 3G
* Bluetooth
* Flash
* FM radio
* 80mb internal memory
* Orange Music Player
* Tri band
* Video capture, Download, Messaging and Playback.

Despite several shortcomings to other phones, assuming I bought it (which I so want to) it would easily be the most technologically inclusive phone I bought, embarrasingly enough

Oh and another reason is it's quite cheap... sort of, leveling off at £60. Cheap is a factor considering many of my phones have had unfortunate fates:

* 3510i: Stolen
* 3210: Repeatedly dropped, then ran-over.
* W375: Sort of snapped a bit. Patly Beegs fault, partly my awesome testosterone levels fault
* 3510i: Still working, but 6 years of active use have taken it's toll a bit.

Anywho, what d'ya think?

The alphapathetics are a third wave techno ska-punk revival old skool House rape band which critics are hailing as UNAVAILABLE FOR REVIEW and BANNED IN AUSTRALIA.

Their album comes out on the 23rd of march.

Help

Now I love Doctor Who normally, but for God's sake! What the hell are these? And because they've decided to fuck around with the time again this year they seem to be ascerting that it's a kids show more than anything else, add to that I'll more than likely miss half the series due to this. I may be wrong, and I hope I am, but I think this marks the start of a major flop.