Now we've 'finished' with that ... shrine of sunshine, lollypops and rainbows, I am required to go in tomorrow IN UNIFORM to do a 2 hour exam, so as usual I've made notes. Unfortunately DA's being a bitch and not letting me upload them, so I'll start with this instead:

Report Questions

How can Boots attract more male customer

To: Board of directors
From: Mr. John Lewis.
Date: 26.11.07sd
Re: How can Boots attract more customers?
ARse

What you’ve been asked to do?
How will you go about answering the question?
Include men in the adverts, advertise male products and stock more of them. Use male products such as Gillette. Get the advertisements to say available at Boots. Staffing also needs to be addressed. More male stock near the door to attract the confused fools in. Designated area in the shop. Paint the carpet blue. Consult/involve males when shopping with those other things. Famous male personalities such as… bloody Beckham.
For some reason I have now been asked to completely change the subject and talk about motivation. In Boots you have a motivational doodah with that German bloke, Hertzygertzy… whatever. This encourages the slaves to keep working because they have a lovely union which provides tea and biscuits for all! Also the workers get paid, which helps motivate them a tad, but they also need to feel secure in the workplace, such as knowing that bottomless pit next to No.7 Lipstick is going to get filled in…somehow.

Analysis

All in all Boots could get more male customers by putting a shepherd’s pie near the doors. Provided it doesn’t get smashed up by them being automatic and whatnot. Additionally it could attract more males which is good because in turn it motivates the women staff (and some of the men ;]). Also are you familiar with the Greek legends of Psirens? Well my idea is quite similar. When a male comes by the shop, get women with a large upper torso. Send her charging down the precinct after him with a baseball bat. Get her to bludgeon him unconscious then drag him inside. When he wakes up he’ll be near the men’s department and that way want to buy something. Probably aspirin. Also you could paint TESTOSTERONE outside the doors of the shop in foot high letters to attract them in. You could also have some of the female staff rub themselves against the window to lure the helpless beggars in.

On the down side of things, attacking prospective male customers does have the problem of creating a bad image for Boots. The solution is to attack anyone from the BBC to stop a bad press getting out. There would also be the problem with motivation which I have to include for some reason even though this is a completely different piece of work. Motivational downsides would be that the custard creams could be too cheap and could give the workers hallucinations, making them start driving bulldozers down the escalators and forklifts in the lifts, dancing from the chandelier and taking to the automatic doors with a full barrage of machine gun fire. Alternately you could treat them nicely…. It’s your choice, nice people or gorgonzola escalators. Also Boots needs to attract more customers of the manly male persuasion by:
Person: Need to appeal to males by getting a more masculine feel to areas of the shop, or make the place gender neutral.
Promotion: Get more male staff working on the shop floor; allow them to feel more secure. It would also be a good idea to get their ideas about the shop across. Using more male staff would help this because it is easier for males to talk to other males.
Price: Blokes are penny pinching so and so’s. So bargains like saying something is half price where really there isn’t any difference from last week would get males to buy more products. The products need to be priced adequately. Males won’t pay as much for grooming products as those other types of people… women, they’re the ones.
Place: Boots needs to be located in a suitable location, e.g., not surrounded by make up shops and other pink stuff. To allow the confused male to feel more relaxed and TIties

So much I've made lotsa notes . I'll still probably fail though, knowing facts is only 1/8 of the exam.

http://jglewis.deviantart.com/art/Aerobic-...ration-86226563
http://jglewis.deviantart.com/art/Digestive-Enzymes-86226876
http://jglewis.deviantart.com/art/Using-enzymes-1-86227054
http://jglewis.deviantart.com/art/Using-enzymes-2-86227402
http://jglewis.deviantart.com/art/Disadvan...nzymes-86227760
http://jglewis.deviantart.com/art/Fucking-...stasis-86227949

I've made a vid on diffusion, I'll upload it later.

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http://talks.cam.ac.uk/talk/index/11906

Guys guys, it's open to everyone and it's about RISK! (not the board game) Let's go let's go!

Easiest way than me having multiple lists.

http://www.rsvpit.com/main.php


DILAN08 if you are attending the meet.

JAS08 if you wish to sleepover.

If you are doing both, then you put your name in both.

REALNAME [USERNAME] format please. =]

IF YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M ON ABOUT, CLICK THE BELOW LINK:
http://www.atomicfridge.net/index.php?s=&a...ndpost&p=...

I'd recommend that you own both an oyster card and young persons rail card to make things cheap.




If you find your name is already there, hurrah. Someone was nice.

Many a time have I been told that releasing my personal details on the internet is a bad idea. "What tosh!" I reply. "I just want to make new friends." Generally, people tend to give up, silenced by my insanely intelligent reasoning that I'm just a lonely and bored teenager.

I'm sure many of us can bear relation to that story. And I'm sure you've given out information you shouldn't and thought it would be fine. Heck, I certainly have. But today I saw something that changed me forever. No more will I communicate with strangers nor tell of my address and name, lest I be attacked by octopuses and scary sharks!

Confused? Well basically this is about something I saw in the Metro today. There was a tiny article about how children as young as 5 had full Bebo and Facebook accounts. Breezing over this travesty of parenting, they pointed to the "Hector's World" website where children learn of the dangers of publishing their personal details to the world!

Episode 1

As well as being an informative guide to internet safety, children can also witness how Microsoft is an official partner of the project and how it's important for public organisations to fill their ethnicity quota with "Ranjeet" (a Crab) and "Ming" (a cuttlefish or something - sealife was never my forte).

So if you're not staying on the internet, take heed of this wonderfully PC and over the top political advice. And ask yourself "What sort of 5 year old would take this in properly?"

And after, I got accosted by the counter terrorist unit of the BTP. No shit, I left stevie and josh at the ticket barrier in King's Cross this morning and strode forward, ready to catch my train home. What followed is, I swear to God, true to the letter.

I walked through the ticket barrier, and a man in a high visibility jacket over a bulletproof vest asked me to come over. The jacket says "Counter Terrorism Active Super Mecha Death Man" or something. It had the words counter terrorism on it, and that's all I noticed. Now having complied with the request to join this man in the corner, he whips out his palm pilot computer thing along with the special screen pen, and tells me he's going to ask me a few questions.

shit.

First of all we go through the normal stuff, like name, age, home address, nationality, birthplace, phone number, favourite food etc. etc. He then asks where I'm going.
"Home."
"And where is that?"
"Baldock. It's on the line to cambridge."
"And why are you in London?"
"Visiting friends. I've been here the past three days."
*man furiously taps his screen with the pen in different places as if he's angry with it.*
"And do the police have records of you?"
"err..."

I really wasn't sure how honest to be. While it was technically true the armed police had once accosted me on suspicion of having a pump action shotgun, I wasn't arrested. On the other hand, they DID take my details down. The Police man sensed my indecision.

"Have you ever been arrested?"
"No! They only confiscated the gun and gave me a warning."
"... What gun?"

FUCK. FUCK FUCK.

A hasty explanation of why the armed police had my details later, the questioning resumed.

"And could you just open the bag please?"
*open bag. Inside the main pockets are a chess set, and school work*
"This is everything."
"Why do you have a chess set?"
"A friend was teaching me how to play."
"could you open up the chess set please?"
*I go to open up chess set. Pieces spill everywhere. Questioning resumes after a minute of picking them up*

"What's this?"
"It's a chemistry textbook."
*policeman continues to things out and check them.*
"Why do you have printouts on nuclear fission and a chemistry textbook?"
"It's for my work."
"WHAT WORK?"

Again, there was another awkward silence and me hurriedly explaining my chemistry coursework for school was on nuclear fission and fusion.

"Is there anything in your bag your shouldn't have?"
*thinks about USB stick, lighter, magnets, yu-gi-oh cards and holepunch in various pockets.*
"...nope."
"Then stay here while I take a description of you."

The funniest part came when at the end of questioning, the man spend ten minutes getting increasingly frustrated with his tiny computer for no apparent reason, until I noticed that something was issuing forth from beneath his jacket. As he went to tear out the piece of paper that had spontaneously appeared, I realised what it was.

HE HAD A FUCKING PRINTER STRAPPED TO HIS WAIST.

don't believe me about any of this?

Amazing what you find on t'internet nowadays This for example is what if other comapnies started doing condoms/ home brand versions and kept the tagline?

Righto chaps, well I've been to see the dentist, and I'll level with you, it is the first time I've actually been to a dentist's, we only got in this time because they were taking in NHS, but anyway you don't need to know that.

Now I won't mince words, the assessment was... somewhat bleak.

Basically, I need two teeth removed, and one moving down to 'make room in my mouth'

Oh... and a trip to the Orthadontists...


I can just bet the minute I get a brace in, loads of blokes will suddenly want to snog me <_<