The animated final of the RPSTW championships, taking place at its traditional location on Mars

'Rock, Paper, Scissors, Thermonuclear Weapon' is a grand-strategy simulator that many top army generals use to plan attacks, choose places to nuke, and settle that matter of who gets the final doughnut among the police force. It is based on the original concept of Rock, Paper, Scissors: the classic game in which the three powerful forces of Rock, Paper, and Scissors would duke it out to the death, using all manner of cunning trickery and espionage. However, this game was not without flaws - civil wars were common on all three sides (when both players produced the same thing), and quite how paper can defeat a rock is beyond the average human. However, in RPSTW, these problems are ironed out due to the appearance of the Thermonuclear Weapon.

How It Works

Described by George W. Bush as "The most relaxing way to pretend to annihilate France", RPSTW works almost like standard RPS, with a few of changes:

• The thermonuclear weapon defeats both scissors and rock, but is stopped in its tracks by the unbelievably hyper-amazing force of paper.
• If the other player is a North Korean, you're not allowed to always play paper, as that would just be unfair.

Paper

Despite terrorism, rising crime rates, the economy in a downward spiral, global warming, and them bloody liberals, the greatest threat to the American public is now paper. For years, the US military has tried to develop weapons that can penetrate the seemingly invincible paper. It has had nukes fired at it, it has been set on fire, buried underground, set upon by giant flesh-eating mosquitos and even had Rocks thrown at it, but it still only succumbs to one thing - scissors. The US military has experimented with scissor-bombs, but they ended up being outlawed by the UN because they cause the enemy huge embarassment by cutting up their pants. Every US citizen has been instructed to carry a pair of scissors with them at all times, so that they could defend themselves lest they are struck down by a rogue piece of paper and are caused GBPs (Gross Bodily Papercuts).

From Rock-Paper-Scissors-Thermonuclear-weapon

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